perhappened mag
issue 4: MIXTAPE
neil young gives me
heart palpitations
in the living room
SARAH LILIUS
after Old Man—Neil Young
His face, a soft cannon blows off my hesitant
hands waving to the television.
He looks like a young man
I used to know.
Someone else's friend, a community
college and a pine tree.
He makes me nervous, excited
like driving down Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park,
endless calm bafflement among mountains,
trees to never claim.
I imagine the smell of his long hair, Old Spice
and slight grease, a dot of tightened
leather, like he needs a shower
but won’t find the time.
He sings Old Man, I think of my father.
I hear a warning backwards. I see a place in brown
and mustard yellow. I feel the back of a van,
unmoving but tilted so that I roll
into the others, sleeping, waiting.
The countless guitars his hands
take control of like wheels or buckets
of gravel to spread.
The man strums from his mind, vibrating creature
that knows life begins in the chest
and ends in the head.
hands waving to the television.
He looks like a young man
I used to know.
Someone else's friend, a community
college and a pine tree.
He makes me nervous, excited
like driving down Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park,
endless calm bafflement among mountains,
trees to never claim.
I imagine the smell of his long hair, Old Spice
and slight grease, a dot of tightened
leather, like he needs a shower
but won’t find the time.
He sings Old Man, I think of my father.
I hear a warning backwards. I see a place in brown
and mustard yellow. I feel the back of a van,
unmoving but tilted so that I roll
into the others, sleeping, waiting.
The countless guitars his hands
take control of like wheels or buckets
of gravel to spread.
The man strums from his mind, vibrating creature
that knows life begins in the chest
and ends in the head.
Sarah Lilius is the author of five chapbooks including GIRL (dancing girl press, 2017) and Traffic Girl (Ghost City Press, 2020). Some of her publication credits include Fourteen Hills, Boulevard, and forthcoming in the Massachusetts Review. She lives in Arlington, VA with her husband and two sons. Her website is sarahlilius.com.